Being the go to man for 100s of weddings as a teenager

I was fortunate enough to grow up on a small island in the north western tip of the United States. That island’s name is Whidbey island… I didn’t technically “grow up” there, I had split parents and was raised all over the state of Washington, but that’s a tale for another blog post. I was fortunate enough to find myself living on Whidbey island for most of my late teens. This was a fortunate occurrence for many reasons, Whidbey island is a special and beautiful place that will absolutely have some blog posts dedicated to it as well. 

For now we will focus on my luck growing up on the Island for it being full of small locally owned businesses. Knowing and having a personal relationship with the owners of these businesses opened many doors that may not of been open to us living within our little island community otherwise. For example, 15 year old me, part time athlete and full time out of control psychonaut, got a job as the assistant to the owner of prominent and quite successful wedding company with multiple venues scattered across our paradisal little island. 

Whidbey island, being quite close to affluent suburban areas, housing the employees of the big tech companies of Seattle, is a very attractive option for “destination weddings” not only is it an island (oooo la la) but its also far enough away from the hustle and bustle of big city life, but close enough that city dwellers have only to drive an hour to arrive at the magical and enchanting ferry. Side note, this 20 minute passenger ferry ride is quite the experience for people coming to Whidbey for the first time… while for locals, well most would have to be on the verge of complete annihilation to consider taking the trip “over the water” Whidbey locals are simultaneously dependent and detesting our the heavy summer tourism from “townies” its comical and charming in its own way.

Now on to the point, why you’re here, what coordinating 100’s of weddings before the time I was 20 years old taught me. 

Well first let’s clarify on what this means, what does “coordinating a wedding” mean? My boss, the owner of the company, would secure lovebirds ready to tie the knot and seduced by the dream an “Island wedding”, they would go over the possibilities at our different venues, each one having its own charm. We had a rustic old barn that was great for bigger “party” parties, a homely farm with a central home for the wedding party to stay together for an intimate feel or an elegant venue with the opportunity for the most stellar pictures (a very important thing!) adjacent to the owners house. I worked primarily at the latter. Once they decided on the perfect venue for them, my boss would “wedding plan” for about a year or 2 in advance… going over aesthetics, figuring out the things that were most important to the couple on their big day, mostly soothing their anxieties and continually reassuring them that the ideas they had were beautiful, amazing and that everything will be taken care, “great idea, nothing to worry about, just enjoy!” (You’d be surprised how hard this is for people as they think about their weddings) 

Here’s where I come in.

A typical week of weddings, comprising of 6, 

3 on Saturday and 3 on Sunday (1 at each venue) would look like this for me:

Thursday: 

Full day of putting together flower arrangements. Flowers are a tremendously important part of the weddings we did. Not only were they an expensive part, they were vital to the everlasting memory of the wedding through the pictures taken. Flowers would appear in nearly every picture, making them a crucial and necessary part of every wedding. On this day we would put together all of the flower arrangements one would be seeing decorating the entire setting at each of the 6 venue as well as the bouquets. Table runners would be made the day to ensure perfection (a “table runner” is the flowers that flow down the center of the dinner table and often the most important floral piece besides the brides bouquet) We would do the total processing of the flowers that we had delivered whole sale box after box, this entails taking them out, unwrapping them, cutting them to size and arranging them in vast assortment of vases we offered. Each wedding had different color patterns, had chosen a different style of vase and their own unique selection of flowers. This would routinely be a 12 hour day, it was monotonous work but was greatly satisfying for me throughout the years, not only did I get to blend beauty, expression and form, I believe working with flowers lightened my soul and gave me a chance to really appreciate something I had before mostly only theorized. Flowers require grace, patience, and a respect for the way the flower wishes to lay in relation to another, all of these are honorable traits for a man, especially one learning to have a healthy relationship with the feminine principles of the universe… we’ll save this for another blog post. In closing, over my 4 years in the wedding business I made thousands if not 10’s of thousands of flower arrangements, one Thursday after another. 

Friday:

This was the big day, the day where I’d meet all our couples for the first time. You have to imagine how strange it must’ve felt for the couples to shake hands with a 17 year old being told he’d be your go to man on the “biggest day of your life”

I also felt this, it took me years until I was completely confident myself, but as the schedules and proceedings of a wedding became second nature to me, and as one positive review after another rolled in praising our teams, often naming me specifically, for handling everything perfectly and with grace, I could shake their hands with a guarantee that everything was going to be perfect for them, we would make their dream come true. On Fridays, we would do all 6 wedding rehearsals. A wedding rehearsal is when the wedding party comes to the venue and you run them through what the ceremony will look like, “you and you walk together, then you and you, then wait for my cue” song change, bang, here comes the bride. The couple then practices the specifics of their ceremony with whoever may be marrying them, then we instruct them on how they will walk out, again, “you and you then you…. Yada yada yada” This was and is a simple thing but no one wants to look unprepared in front of the all the wedding guests, most of all the bride of course. I was nearly always in charge of the music for the ceremonies… often sitting somewhere in the back of the crowd, quietly and happily watching hundreds of couples marry every year. On these Fridays, often we’d also set up tables and chairs and get as much done between rehearsals as we could to lessen the load for the weekends weddings which could easily become busy full 12-14 hour days. Also many last minute items were dropped off this day, particularly the alcohol

 (very important) and last minute details, usually discussed most severely with the parents who often played big roles in planning and financing the weddings. 

Saturday and Sunday: 

Go time, on these days I would show up to the venue I was working early in the morning and begin setting up. This entailed setting up all the tables and chairs needed for the day. Setting up on the lawn, in the ceremony hall, the aisle, dinner, the bar, guest sign in area and making sure most importantly of all, there were flowers…. Flowers every where. Setting the tables, creating the table runner we talked about earlier, setting up the bartenders bar to their liking and slowly welcoming the first to arrive who were always the wedding party, taking bags, requests and giving promise after promise that I’d handle everything and that we could make it happen if that’s what they wanted. The schedules were of upmost importance and my primary job was making sure it was stuck to, they were always the same and they’d go like this; 

Set up, guest sign in, ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, first dance, cake cutting, dance party, bouquet toss, last call, send off. 

If you can understand and master these 11 things with a smile, you can be a professional in the business.

So, now you have an idea of what 5 to 6 months out of the year, week after week looked like for me for years while growing up on little old Whidbey island… 

Now for the finale, after thousands of weddings, thousands of “Good afternoon ma’am I love your dress and those earrings, so gorgeous!”  thousands of “Good afternoon sir, my names Jay how can I help you today?” And thousands of “I dos”…

What did I learn in the business?

Confidence leads to competence:

You will never do anything in your life until you believe you can learn. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for the women I worked for, they made me live up to what they knew I was capable of. I didn’t always live up to the bar they set for me, as a 17 year old assistant, the go to man for every guest, the one in charge of setting up and sticking to schedules, sometimes I fell short… but time after time, determined to prove myself to the ones with faith in me I quickly became what they knew I already was, what I could be if I opened my eyes. 

This taught me that anything was within my grasp if I had the confidence to fail. 

You’ll likely never hit the bulls eye your first shot, but you’ll be damned if you don’t try.

A wedding is a show, flowers and booze are the stars: 

The most important part of nearly all our weddings was always the way the flowers looked and if there’d be enough booze for everyone at the wedding to get decently drunk. At first this jaded me, why are typical Americans weddings so shallow? Why is this event, supposedly in the name of love, unity, commitment, support and joy feel like a high profile job interview for the bride and groom? It seemed it was also of the upmost importance behind the scenes that everyone at the wedding was impressed, stunned by the grandiosity, beauty and splendor of the day… not that they were enchanted and intoxicated by the love and bliss of union. Strangest of all, for me, was that this was often most propagated by the parents of the bride and groom, almost as if every guest should think to themselves “ wow this is what the rest of the couples life will be like, I’m so envious” this would be the biggest achievement for the parents, convincing every guest that their son, their daughter, was going to have a better life than you, “just look at how great today is” 

At first I was jaded, now I’m inspired. I know conventional marriage is lodged deep in the cultural psyche, and I will never likely find a woman not under its seductive spell regardless of culture, but I will make damn sure my wedding is created, had and enjoyed from a foundation of love and support. I don’t care if you don’t get drunk at my wedding, I don’t care if you saw a wedding on instagram that had a more beautiful table runner… you won’t find a wedding with more palpable love in the air, a wedding more authentic and genuinely representing the embodiment of love, partnership and the opportunity of two people choosing to share a life together. 

This taught me that just because I don’t resonate doesn’t mean I need to judge or condemn,

I can just be an example for something different when the time comes.

Charisma + work ethic is the key:

I will be the first to admit that I was the biggest charmer in the business, I was also the hardest worker. In any service business, or any job, employee or owner, for that matter, make sure you’re the one the people trust and want to be served by… not only will this get your name remembered, you will get paid. I made a killing in tips in the wedding business because people liked me, they saw me happily working the hardest and whenever they needed something I would be there with a smile, complimenting every man, woman and child on the way, and not out of gross superficiality but from the heart. 

This taught me, be present, be productive, be the one its impossible not to notice, 

this changed the way I saw participating in society for the rest of my life. 

Maybe you feel like I teased you to the end, maybe you wanted me to tell you something else, something more juicy, more tantalizing and dramatic about what I learned in the business, maybe this isn’t the ending the girl who’s been dreaming of being a wedding coordinator her whole life had in mind. If that’s the case, I apologize for leading you on. But in one of the most fun professions, where your job is to facilitate big fancy parties, Im proud of what I was able to take away and the lessons that have stuck with me until today, 6 years after my last wedding. 

Stay in light, stay in love

Jay Bierschenk